Dear
Lord,
I
lost my cool this weekend. I know that's putting it lightly Lord, especially because it was over a brush. I know, I know it seems petty but I had
plenty of evidence to back my explosion, or at least so I thought in the heat
of the moment.
Parker
loves my brush and uses it every
morning and every morning I find
myself on a scavenger hunt to be able to use my own brush. My broken record
begins everyday with the same tune. “Parker you are more than welcome to use my
brush anytime, just return it when you are done”. This particular morning,
I was tired of playing with the record player… it has played the same several
messages every day for some time now. I wonder often if everyone else in the house
is just as tired at hearing the same tunes played again and again. And really
it’s not completely my fault because this time was different. This time she
couldn’t find where she had left it, which left Mommywith no brush to get ready for the day. I think my case has been made and now the
explosion is justified…right?
Yes,
I know Lord, but it’s not just the brush. It’s the homework, it’s the forgetting
to return the papers back to school again and again, it’s did you remember to
turn your lights off before you left, did you brush your teeth, where are your
shoes, don’t get out of bed again, are you sure your hair has been brushed, did
you tell them thank you….
And
did you see her pull away from me? I grabbed for her hand as we crossed the
street to the Fall Festival and when I reached for it, it passed quickly
through my hand liked trying to grasp sand as she skipped ahead of me so as to
not have to hold my hand. The irony of holding one of my girls so close to my
chest in the baby carrier as my other girl pulls away. “It’s just embarrassing”
she said.
What
about the time that she….
Kelly,
Kelly, Kelly…..can you hear your own words? My broken record plays for you
daily as well my child just as you are doing for your own children. I was the one
tugging at your heart saying, “May the words of my
mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock
and my Redeemer” (Psalm 19:14) when you raised your voice and spoke such
venomous words to your daughter. I was the one urging you to “Come to me all
who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28) and allow
me to help you with the joys and the struggles of parenting. After all, I would
like to think that I have become somewhat of a pro with the number of children
I am raising on a daily basis.
And
the hand thing….chin up. She’s showing you her independence and the good job
you have done. And if you watch ever so closely, you will see her look back
because she knows she doesn’t want to go too far without you by her side. And,
yes there are times she says she wants to do it without you but truth is she
wants you to be there waiting in the wings because she can’t imagine not having
you there cheering her on. Be careful to not get too discouraged about her hand
slipping through yours. There are plenty of days that your confidence gets the best
of you too and you pull your hand away from mine and run ahead trying to take
on the day without me. “Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear
fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you
abide in me” (John 15:4).
I know it makes your heart hurt because it
makes my heart hurt as well. “Don't panic. I'm with you.
There's no need to fear for I'm your God. I'll give you strength. I'll help
you. I'll hold you steady; keep a firm grip on you” (Isaiah 41:10, The Message).
“I have raised you up for this very purpose, that I might show you my
power and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth” (Exodus 9:16).
Point taken....Thank you Lord!
Kelly
xoxo
“Now to him who is able to do
immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine,
according to his power that is at
work within us” Ephesians 3:20