Thursday, June 21, 2012

Joys & The Ugly Truths of Pregnancy

I am finally coming to grips that I can either cry or laugh my way through this pregnancy. There are highs and lows and some that most of us would care not to discuss. But how else do we survive this amazing and miraculous experience of carrying a child with an ever expanding waist line, swollen feet, mood swings that even scare us, and more exhaustion than any of us would like to admit without crying?
Here are my confessions of being a raging lunatic….I mean a pregnant woman…
1.      Coughing, sneezing and laughing requires an all hands on deck type of position or it will inevitably require a fresh pair of underwear every time.

2.     Who knew the non chaffing bar I purchased last fall while training for my   ½ marathon would also come in so handy for my pregnant thighs.  Not necessarily a marathon but it might as well be.

3.     I have finally just learned to agree with every stranger’s guess:

Stranger: Wow! Must be a boy because you are hanging so low!
Me: Yup!
Stranger: Twins right?
Me: You betcha!
Stranger: How many more weeks to go?
Me: 4
Stranger: But you’re so big. How can you grow anymore?
Me: Trying to ignore my 8 year old daughter’s looks of wonder and worry waiting to see how I will respond.

4.     The doctor requires that you pee in a cup at each visit. After about the 6th month there is no “proper placement of the cup” but rather a conscious circular motion around the bowl as you hold your breath waiting to hear just the right sound to know you’ve hit the mark.

5.     My new best friend is my son’s “grab nabber” toy (as he so affectionately calls it) to help pick up everything on the floor level.

6.    Drying my body from the waist down is no longer an option.

7.     Normally getting out of bed (or an armchair in my case) is quite a feet each morning; however, the leg cramps in the middle of the night are enough to take you from lying down to a standing position and then right to the floor on your knees in a matter of seconds. I had no idea I still had it in me!

8.     While snuggling with my daughter, she saw my cleavage and commented, “Mommy your belly has gotten so big that it’s spilling out your top”.

9.     Any woman able to shave their legs from 8 months and beyond should be given a gold medal when they exit the shower or even a fun bumper sticker to go on the back of their mini vans. Girls, I’m thinking it’s time to replace the 13.1 and 26.2 stickers with a picture of a razor.

10. God bless the woman who created pregnancy Spanx (helps with #2). Who knew, right?

11.   The nursery for our first born was completed months in advance. The nursery for our 3rd consists of a pile of baby items in the corner of our bedroom with only 4 weeks to go.

12.  Having to take your 5 year old son with you to an OB appointment especially while performing #4.  Need I say more?

I’m sure many of you have some fun ones of your own that you could add to the list. Isn’t it good to know that we have all been there, done that and we are all still here to talk, no wait….laugh about it. On that note, time for a fresh pair!


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