|pretty sure these shoes have seen better days!|
That’s it, I’m coming clean.
I need the push…I need to hit rock bottom and bounce back from it. I need words of encouragement… tough love…or a kick in the tail. I need love…grace…and a chance to be myself. I need help and I am terrified!
I vaguely remember the runner I once was. If you had asked me 3 years ago to describe myself as a runner, I would have been severely winded but not from running, only laughing at the mere thought of me as a runner.
And although it may make my P.E. teacher husband cringe, scheduled running days in my high school P.E. class were the guaranteed days of arriving late, forgetting my clothes to dress out or bringing in a sick note. It was time to face facts, running was just not my thing.
It wasn’t until I became obsessed with cross fit that the idea of running even crossed my mind as a possibility. It was a lifesaver that I had an amazing running partner and special friend that was the perfect mix of accountability and great girl talk while we ran together. One race lead to another and then another until we found ourselves signing up for any race within a certain mile radius. I had the bug and I had it bad.
Reader’s Digest version to present day…
December 1, 2011
Surprise! My running time was getting worse rather than getting better because low and behold…I WAS PREGNANT! Never saw that one coming.
December 3, 2011
2 days after the biggest surprise of our lives, I completed my first ½ marathon and I was on top of the world!
December 2011 – March 2012
I ran until I was 5 months pregnant. After tripping over my new awkward shape, I knew it was time to hang up the running shoes.
Time to start again!
So why post it here? I am in desperate need for accountability. I strapped on my shoes today for the first time. My goal was to make it 1 mile without stopping. I made it, but Lord knows that it definitely wasn’t pretty and it was a far cry from the past. The loud voices in my head of “why and what were you thinking” were louder than any pain I was experiencing in my legs and burning lungs.
It’s not just about the running, there are so many more layers and I hope to peel them back together to share with you what lead me to this point. I am going to be documenting the days with all the good, bad, and ugly in an attempt to keep it as real as possible. I hope it will be a reminder to me of why I do not want to return to this kind of lifestyle again.
My Disclaimer: Please don’t get me wrong, I would do this all over again and wouldn’t change a thing since my ½ marathon. Yes, I stopped running, but what I got in return was a wonderful, unexpected blessing of a third child and a gift to all of us. xoxo
So for now….day 1….terrified is the best way I can describe my feelings. But I hope as the days pass, terrified can be scratched out and changed to something lighter, grace filled, forgiven, and new. Anyone else up for the challenge? I am always in need of a great running partner and good girl talk!