Sunday, November 24, 2013

Day 5 & 6: Coming Clean

Check out those reflectors at night!

Day 5 Distance: 0.0

 If you logged on yesterday, all you would've heard were crickets.

 I just couldn’t get the “get up and go”.  I was overwhelmed with “all the life” that was happening around me and melted down. Not to worry though, I self-medicated with the kids Halloween candy and anything else I thought might do the trick for that moment and I could find in my pantry. I finally sat down around 10:30pm and just couldn’t bring myself to do it.

After the self-medicating, the wave of guilt washed over me and the instant feeling of, “I should’ve known better, I knew I couldn’t do this. What was I thinking? You knew you wouldn’t be able to actually be successful at this, did you? Haven’t you tried and failed before? After all, look how quickly you returned to comforting yourself through food”.

I felt defeated and yet comfortable all at the same time. This feeling of letdown has become a more comfortable normal and one I am more familiar with these days.

Today was more of yesterday. The idea of trying to fit in a run just didn’t seem like an option and I had every excuse in the book. Or so I thought. We were headed to a family birthday party, which really just kicked off not only the Thanksgiving week but also the whole holiday season. I told myself, “I already gave in last night so do I really have to run? Would it really be worth the effort? Maybe I should wave the white flag and try again after the holidays….you know, like a new year’s resolution.”

After feeling so deflated from the night before from what I had defined as “messing up”, it was easy to quickly label myself with the old familiar labels. I have said them for so long that they have become my comfort zone and my shield of protection.

So I went to the dinner and indulged like I expected myself to do…”after all, that’s who I am ”. At least, that’s what I told myself but that’s not who I want to be.

Kids tucked in and the clock is saying 9:15pm…do I really even try this? Isn’t there always tomorrow? I begrudgingly strapped on my tennis shoes and hit the treadmill.

How do we limit ourselves by the labels and titles we give ourselves? What is the record player that plays over and over again saying in your head? Does it hold you back?

And how do we stop the record long enough to realize that we don’t need to live in this limited prison we have created for ourselves. I don’t have 5 easy steps to follow, but I do know that I am armed with a Bible and ready for spiritual battle for this one. I am a child of God…You are a child of God. We have been created with a purpose and not to be limited by the labels that hold us captive every day.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come. The old has gone, the new is here.”
2 Corinthians 5:17

I have a feeling that this running experience has a lot more to it than first meets the eye.



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